Life....I wonder what’s the meaning?

Hi! So, recently I've just been feeling super down. I haven't been as bright and happy as I once was, and that is really upsetting to me. Supressing what I'm feeling has seem to become the new normal for me, and I, quite frankly, really am not okay with it. I'm just a bit tired of always pretending I'm fine. When really, I'm in a whirlwind of sadness. I know complaining won't get me anywhere, and I should really look towards changing it, but the underlying truth is that for some reason, I don't want to solve it. Correction: I can't solve it. My problems, my trauma. It's all unsolvable. Sometimes, I question if I really do have a purpose. I wonder if my life really has a meaning. Why am I still trying when I've failed at everything? I've failed at being a daughter, a sibling, a friend, a student, a human being. I love life, and I wouldn't want to trade it for anything, but the sadness is overwhelming. The hopelessness submerges all things positive and joyful. I'm sorry for the long rant, just needed to get let it all out❤️