Life is hard. Please help.

I feel you. 100%. Sometimes we think that doing the one thing that could end all the pain is the best choice. I promise you it's not. I was raised in a Christian household and got told the same exact thing, you'll burn and all that. But don't let that be the only thing keeping you here. Live life for you. Just because people have it worse doesn't mean that your situation is of any less significance. It matters. Someone's problems could be small to you and big to them. Vice versa. It's okay to feel like that. A failure is a mistake not learned yet. And that's okay too. We are meant to make failures and mistakes. It happens and it's normal. Trust me, I'm 27 but still very young. I've made some of the BIGGEST mistakes that altered my life. You take it in stride and learn. Sometimes a failure is just that, a failure. That doesn't mean YOU are. Not by a long shot. Sometimes our guardians can't help us in the way some one else can, and that's fine. You need different outlooks on life and advice from several people. I used to only look at life one way. I've learned to ask around and just say "hey man..what do you think about..." and just take in what they say. Combine advice, do different exercises. I kid you not my therapist from 10 years ago told me to literally wake up and look at myself in the mirror and say "You are bomb *** ***, you know you are." It seemed so stupid at first like I'm not gonna do that my guy. Until one day I did. I haven't seen myself smile that big in so long. Speak it into existence. You are a good *** human and humans are just that, human. I'm not sure your age, but you have access to music please please please listen to the song Friend, Please by Twenty One Pilots. My ex husband had told me he wanted a divorce and I was absolutely destroyed. I went to do the deed and end my pain. I put on Spotify and that song came up. I have been a fan for years but never heard that one. It saved my life. I promise there's a great message in it. It's gonna maybe trigger some things in you, but you'll learn your triggers and how to manage them. YOU control your brain, not the other way. You can manage your own emotions and responses. I know it seems impossible right now. It seemed impossible for me 10 years ago. Here I am today. I'm in school to help cancer patients. There is a bigger picture to life and you're included.

My favorite quote of all time, silly as it came from Doctor Who. But he makes a brilliant point.

"You know that in nine hundred years of time and space and I've never met anybody who wasn't important before"

Your life matters and I'm so happy you're here with us. I love you and I see your struggles. You're not a coward because you chose life because you were scared. A lot of people don't get that far, and a lot of people make a permanent choice that they think will fix a temporary pain. Your life is not worth taking. Your life matters to someone. You make people's day by smiling. Do you know how many times someone has smiled at me at my absolute lowest and it just, UGH dude someone took the time of day to smile at me. There are good people here who care about you. Your guardian is doing their best, I'm a mother of 2. I guarantee that if you sat her/him down and really explained what's going on, they'd try to help as best as they can. And sometimes it takes meds and professionals. I have a mental health crisis officer texting me daily to check up on me. It takes a village. There's nothing wrong with asking for help on how to manage your mind. It's not easy here on Earth, but don't you feel the happiness in those little moments? Imagine that everyday man, everyday. It's a trip. Even if it's literally 5 seconds of happiness. It's your happiness. You have a right to be happy and love yourself. It's your right to love yourself. You are the only person on this big *** planet, the universe who is you. There is no other you, there will never be another you. You're unique whether you think so or not.

I'm up literally almost till 3 am most nights. Feel free to reach out and message me if you feel up to it or are okay with it. We're all struggling. No one is gonna have a problem free life. And if they say they do, they don't. Now their problem may not be as big as yours or it may not even seem like a problem to you. But does your problem seem big to them? It depends on who you ask, you've got to find GOOD friends. And if it's only one, so be it. I have one good best friend who literally came over tonight to see me because I just told her I loved her and appreciate her. Find people like that and never let them go. They will be your biggest supporters and will be there in the darkest times. You're not alone, I promise. It's easier to die, you've got to struggle to live but what life you can live with help. You'll do extraordinary things in your life. I promise you. I wanted to k!ll myself a year ago. I had no hope, I was a drug addict, everything under the sun you can think of. And now? I'm literally saving peoples lives. That was a YEAR ago. Think of years from now, you'll have tools and coping methods to guide you. We're all here for you man. Sorry if you're a female I'm very trippy hippy and spiritual, dude and man are basically my only vocabulary lol. A living Cheech and Chong if you will. You got this. Life isn't supposed to be THIS hard. I'm happy you reached out. Welcome to getting back to you.