Online school makes me so miserable.

I go a week feeling optimistic then everything goes downhill again. It's like I can't be happy anymore. Always worrying about school, always worrying about the future, not enjoying the things I used to enjoy, can't get a good night's sleep. What the hell is wrong with me? You would think not failing classes anymore would get me to relax. Trust me my grades are the bare minimum but you would think that would make me calm down but no. Every single day my brain is like what if you end up giving up and destroying your future. And I get so anxious. Even though I'm improving my work ethic why am I so sad still? Then a part of me doesn't want the bare minimum and is like bring up your grades back to its past glory and I feel so bad. I miss my past self. I miss everything before this dumb pandemic. Ever since high school started it's been the worst. I can't take it. All this stress. I'm like come on stick it out for summer break then my brain is like what if you have to take summer school what if you get left back. You won't be able to enjoy the summer then... It's like everytime I try thinking positively a negative thought comes right after. It hurts so much. I feel so alone like no one understands me. If I go crying to my mom she's like I'm coming up with excuses to cry. That I'm so in peace that I'm crying just to cry? Wtf is that supposed to mean? They think I'm having the time of my life because school's online. No it's the worst I've ever felt about school. Even over the weekends I can't relax and I worry even more and get overwhelmed even more. I don't know what to do. I miss having things to enjoy and being more carefree and calm.