im so tired

ive never been so utterly end endlessly exhausted in my life and i know its just beginning and i cant bring myself to think about how long this is going to last,,

i miss how i use to feel yet i cant even remeber how that felt, i want to lay on the ground of my bedroom floor and be sucked in and encased into the hardwood. im failing my classes because i have no energy anymore im slowly falling apart and peeling at my edges. my mom seems to care yet doesn’t understand or grasp anything. im being torn apart against my own will and i have nothing to do about it but watch.

nothing has happened in my life to be deemed traumatic but yet i have all these feelings to belong to someone who has been through more. i hate myself with every cell in my body i hate everything i say , do , eat ,drink , hold , touch every subtle movement or breath i make makes me sick

there is not a day i wish i could be gone. im so exhausted .