*** it we ball

I don’t know how to start this but all I know is I need help. I don’t know how to deal with my emotions or any problems. I’ve always said *** it we ball and just accept what happens and I’m always in go go go mode to keep myself distracted from my problems. On my recent vacation I don’t always have time to be in go go go mode so I had time to think to myself and how I don’t know what im doing and how much pain I actually feel when I’m not distracted with other things. My nephew passed away almost two years ago now. He died from a rare disease im blanking on the name of. I haven’t ever properly coped with that or at least I assume I haven’t because even now when I think about what happened the feeling is always the same. Hopelessness, regret, just wishing I could’ve done something different even though I know nothing I could do would’ve changed anything. It wasn’t anyones fault it was just an unfortunate circumstance. But I still feel like I could’ve done something more and like it’s my fault. I made my nephew promises before he was even born that now all I can do is think about those promises I never had the chance to fulfill. I can’t even watch anything with an infant in it because all I can think about is holding my nephews body in my arms. Even just thinking about it I tear up. I can’t deal with these feelings anymore. I feel so broken and don’t know what to do.

Title edited by AffyAvo Oct 27, 2022 please see community guidelines regarding inappropriate language, specifically thread titles.