Absence of Happiness

I am pretty new here, and it seems like a good place. I have been struggling with depression for over a year, and I don't enjoy being alive anymore. Nothing about it feels good, but I just try to improve the lives of others since suicide is too cruel of a thing to do in that I can't hurt the people in my life to that extent. I try so very hard to just feel happiness, but the harder I try, the less I believe I'll ever feel it again. Recently, I have been obsessing over the way people treat me. People I know care about what I think about them way more than they really care about me, and that is truly awful. It hurts when they say they're willing to help just so that I like them, but they aren't willing to do anything to help. This is a messed up world that we live in.