Depressed to the point i want to

Where do I even begin?

Well. Im 21, male. I used to have friends and to be social. It all changed over time.. slowly. I didnt lose my friends because we had disagreements, we just stopped talking until it ceased completely.

I used to go to school which it was quite easy to make friends. Since ive been working and its completely different and more difficult to make friends. Ive isolated myself more and more so my social abilities have started to slack behind.

I have constant headache and cant think clear because i bust my eyebrow 8 years ago and its hanging down on my eyelid. Causing enormous discomfort and ontop of that it gives me ptosis from time to time when the muscle is tired. It makes me super conscious about the way i look. I think i look hideous because of it and therefore i cant handle looking people in the eye because they will see my ugly face.

I fixate so much about it I look myself in the mirror and I want to cut myself because i dont deserve to look that way or feel that way. I tried to ask for cosmetic surgery but they dismissed me as a joke. I just wanted to get it done for so i could stop bothering about it and get on with my life. I searched help again but via hospital. Turns out theres the same doctor reviewing my case. If he says no again ill probably hurt myself to the point i will not have to worry about anything ever again.

I will give up on life