Hello Everyone

Hey my name is Shana and I'm 20years old. I honestly don't know how to do this but I'ma try to. Well yeah last year was really a shitty year for me and I know I'm not the only one, I live with my mom and to be honest I believe she has a mental illness or something of the sort and my father is almost never around. He only visits when mom yells at him and he only does anything when she yells and lies to him. My mom most of the time almost all of the time speaks terrible of me behind my back and then she acts all goody goody with me to my face as if she did nothing wrong. Me and my mom have had terrible situations and she does terrible things when I'm not looking, if I confront her about it she says she does nothing wrong. Obviously my father does nothing because he doesn't care. I don't have friends because the ones I had last year did a awful hurtful thing to me that nearly cost me my life. So I'm just rolling solo, I have a good boyfriend but he works alot and is almost always busy so I feel lonely and worry alot. I'm way to shy and antisocial, I get crazy anxiety when I have to spend a few days with my boyfriend's family or if I gotta do something outside my comfort zone I just get terrible anxiety. Honestly most of the time I feel like I'm losing myself slowly but I'm still fighting to live you know I don't wanna give up on myself