Hi, I'm Bennie

I'm going through a rough time the last 3 years, was in business with my ex-girlfriend's father since 2013, he died in my arms on site, I then had to continue with the business alone and didn't take time off for grief, just buried myself with work. In 2020 around November I discovered my girlfriend's affair by accident on her phone(which has been going on for 3 years, meaning it started before her father's passing) so I confronted her and halfway through I brokedown onto my knees and started crying so bad , I couldn't breath, afterwards I obviously jumped in my car and went to that guy and gave him such a beating( he knew about me, he was a work colleague of my ex), ended with him going to hospital. She went away for a couple of days and then we talked it through and tried to salvage the relationship but the damage was done, so I left. We were together for 7 years and I really didn't expect that from her. 3 years prior to this relationship, I came out of a 6 year relationship where I was also cheated on, but 2nd one really did some damage to me. Oh and being in the events industry and covid lockdowns, I'm not getting any work in, so can't work my troubles away lol. But its been 7 months now and I'm not feeling any better, I actually feel worse everyday, don't trust my own judgement anymore, lost my interest in basically everything, lost my inspiration, don't have any self worth left in me, too scared to meet new people and restart my life, I don't think third time's the charm can work in my case because having your heart ripped out this way, really hurts and being through it twice already... I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. She is constantly on my mind and I miss her and love her so much, even after what she's done, but her memory is hurting me and its tearing me up from the inside.