Hi
My name is Allison, I am 22 years old and I have been battling depression for 12 years now...there were many nights that I begged a higher power to ensure that I didn't wake up the next morning, and many times where I did not think that I would make it as far as I have.....I still have many times where I don't think that I can make it. I have had many traumas, and deaths in my life but I am extremely unsure of what really sparked my depression back in the 5th grade. I'm an introvert, and I constantly feel like I am the black sheep no matter the situation or group of people. I don't feel as if I have a place anywhere in this world, other than alone in my bed. I am an animal lover, I have rescued two cats and have dedicated my life to helping save animals in need. My therapist and mom say that I am far too hard on myself, maybe I am but I don't feel as if I am. I hope to maybe one day be free from the grips of depression, and for me to reach that day without using antidepressants but after 12 years of switching medications and going through insane bouts of depression when I don't take antidepressants I sadly don't think I can achieve it without them.
Hi @allison4423, I can relate to a lot of what you have described - including having serious depression as a child. Having depression (in my case it's Major Depressive Disorder) as a young person is certainly an alienating experience. It's hard to go through at any age but I remember what it was like not to be able to relate to the other young people, who seemed to live in some place that was unreal to me and who were reaching "milestones" (like finishing highschool and university within the regular specified amount of time) while I felt like my life was on hold.
Things will get better...your experience with battling something you can't see on a daily basis will make it easier for you to overcome challenges later in life - you will have coping skills that other people haven't developed. Think about someone going through some emotional event at age 30 if they've never experienced that kind of trauma before. You're going to be better equipped to deal with that. Your world view will be broader than most people's, and you will likely have a greater sense of compassion and understanding for others. There are fields of work where someone with your skills and experience can be a benefit - think social work, learning strategist, school counsellor, etc.
Something that helped me a lot when I was your age was being referred to a learning strategist at my university. I don't know if you are in post-secondary, but if you are and you can work with your Office for Persons with Disabilities, they ought to have one of these people on staff. They often have a background in psychology and/or education. The coping behaviours and skills I worked on with my learning strategist were probably just as important as the cognitive behavioural therapy I did with a psychologist, and made me a much higher functioning person. When I was your age I was constantly on medication...my depression became much more manageable around age 25 (I am now 35). Since around age 27-28 I have been able to go without having an MDD episode for 2-3 years at a time. So there is hope, and you have found a place where you are not alone, the road you are on is familiar to many.
I hope today is a good day, but if it isn't, remember that tomorrow could be!