Hi everyone.

Hi...I'm Remo. I'm 30, female, from the US. I'm here because I'm too depressed to do anything anymore. I don't have a job, hobbies, or interests. I don't leave the apartment I share with my partner unless someone forcibly makes me. I have suicidal thoughts nearly every day. I've been medicated and in therapy for the past thirteen years and steadily getting worse, and struggling with an on-and-off cocaine addiction for the last ten. I stopped going to therapy last year when I decided I would rather use the money for drugs, and now I'm too depressed to make the effort to go back. I'm incredibly lazy and resistant to doing anything to help myself. I grew up in an abusive home and have a ton of issues related to that. My brother killed himself last year and I'm definitely not over it. I can't cope with the fact that life is empty and meaningless and that there probably isn't any kind of divinity or afterlife. I genuinely think that I am a terrible person and don't deserve to get better. But some tiny part of my brain that still remembers what it was like to be happy wants me to try yet again to get help, so here I am.