I Feel Lost

I don't have any real friends. I'm in college, but I live at home. I'm struggling with my sexuality. I haven't been sleeping. I'm anxious all the time. I start crying for no reason. I hate living in the now, I wish I could just skip to the future. Because I feel like one day it's gonna get better. But that day is just so far away. I'm losing the motivation to do anything. I don't wanna die, but I think about death a lot. Every day I drive through my college parking garage, and I think, " what if I just drove the car right off the ledge." I never do it, but sometimes I want to.

Sometimes I take broken pieces of glass, and cut the tops of my arms, just enough to see blood. But I'm always mad because I can't go deeper. It's like something in my head is daring me to do it. To just cut my whole arm off. Maybe then it could get easier, because everyone would know how messed up I am. But I never do it. And no one really knows. So everyday I go through the motions. Some days are good, but a lot of the days are bad. And I'm just tired.