I don't know

Hey everyone, hope you're well. I've been meaning to join 7cups for a couple of years, but I kept stopping myself because I didn't really know how to express myself. I still don't really know what I'm doing or how any of this works, but I guess I just write how I'm feeling? I apologise in advance if all this is too long. So for about 6 years, I've been feeling, in simple terms, quite sad about where my life was headed. I was in college at that point and studying something I had no interest in. I also didn't have an interest in any other course, so I just picked one that seemed ok. But ever since that day, I had a fear of something much worse. The day when I complete my course, and it's time to move on to getting a job. The thought of studying about something I don't care about then going on to get a job that I don't care about, didn't feel me with any hope. I see nothing in my future, and during the end of last year when I was finishing my course, I was seriously considering ending my life. I couldn't find a good reason why I shouldn't. I convinced myself that I had the right to end my own life if I was not happy with it. It made 100% sense to me. It still does. The only reason I haven't done it it is because the act of actually doing it is something that I've been afraid of doing. Not dying itself. I don't really know what the point of me saying all this is, I don't think anyone can change my mind over my position but I guess I have to put it out there. Take care everyone!