If anyone is out there...

This may be one of the stupidest thing I've ever done or maybe just the most pathetic 😂 I don't know where to begin....I can't quite put my finger on it and tell you all the reasons why but I am sad, depressed and would be suicidal if I had the strength and courage; which I don't so you can calm down.

All I know is that I'm not happy and I haven't been for a while. Can't remember the last time I felt happiness last more than a fleeting moment. Don't get me wrong I smile and laugh but I feel a weight inside and a sadness that zaps me right back to my current unhappy state.

I take country walks, I go to the gym, I eat fairly healthily, I spend time with the family, I read...I do lots of 'normal' happy healthy people things. But inside....inside I don't feel happy, I don't feel happy at all.

I wonder how long unhappiness can last for and if one day I'll crack. I type mostly because verbalizing things I find difficult. If it's written, it might not be me and it might not be real.

Boy, just listen to me, I am depressing asf. Well I hope that it resolves it's self, one way or another