I just want to move on but i can't

I've done everything I can. I had a 5-year friendship with a pastor's family, and I loved them so much. Looking back, I foolishly had an online friendship with one of the pastor's daughters (I stress friendship, we never crossed any serious lines), and after 5 years, I was just cut off, she and her sister ignored me and blew me off at church, and their brother approached me to tell me I was "barely tolerable." This triggered symptoms of schizo bipolar, including paranoia, hallucinations, depression. I only spoked with her father twice since then...and it just leaves me more confused. He says there's no animosity, but then says I'd only be allowed to certain services...and then his family woul partially block me on some platforms, but then some would still like my facebook posts---it was infuriating. Reluctantly, at the advice of many, I finally blocked them...but I think about them all the time. It's torture. I tried the worst thing for 7 months as a result of everything I lost as a result of this church; I only take solace in the fact I haven't tried suicide in quite some time and I've drastically improved my life since then...but not a day goes by I don't think about them. I don't live near them anymore, so I don't even know why I want to reconcile, but I can't help my natural tendencies. I just want to forget everything...and I just don't know how.