Newbie that needs help.
Lifes not going well. Earlier thus year is was perfectly happy. Made one mistake that lead to disaster. Now its almost new years. Iv waisted a whole year to my stupid depression. I hate myself. I told myself that i will never be depressed again.. But it happened again. And i haven't really accepted it fully. I forget things easily. I don't want to kill myself. But life is hard. I devastated that now i think about dieing. I never thought id want to die. Cause im so young and smart. But i hate myself. I had strength a few months back. But im lost. I cant see out of this. I think im giving up. Geez. Im supposed to be strong. Why now?
Please dont tell me things get better. To save you some time... Iv lost all hope,strength,believe in anything.
@Greenapple1
I hear you...
I can totally relate.
What things seem to help a little when your stressed out? For me it is getting outside, deep breathing or a hot bath. Do you have a favorite destresser that could ease up this tough time for you?
@OrangeYouGlad68
Nice name.
But i don't know really. Cause i always find a problem with everything. If i take a bath ill think"you could be doing sonething better. You shouldn't be doing this".. Like how do i not be hard on myself??
I really am losy with these things.
@Greenapple1
Yeah, I have a hard time with self care too. It wasn't even a thing until I came to understand it better by coming to 7cups. The deep breathing has made the most difference for me when I use it.
Have you tried connecting with a listener yet?
@OrangeYouGlad68
A listener..... No. Too scared to. I geuss?
I want to trust these people. But i cant seem to. Im pretty sure there nice. But i dont think they will understand me.
All I want to do is to leave this world once and for all
@Nicholas101
Relatable!
i know we feel leaving this world but whats the rush?
@Greenapple1 I know what that is like
@Greenapple1
HEY YOU STOP THERE! If the nickname wasn't different from mine, I would swear I wrothe this posts. SWEAR.
Short story: I am depressed, I get out of it, "I promise I'll never let this happen again", I relapse after 7 years, wasn't I supposed to be strong? Totally conviced I looked for it and that I HAVE to die, I try to forgive myself, but just the idea makes me nauseated, guilty, ashamed and even more willing to die, and every little thing I try to do, a virtual "Voice" in my head laughs out loud and reminds me that I am filth and I should die. Because I was weak and I gave up. Totally overwhealming wall of shame, I can't break through it.
But there was hope: it felt unbreakable, and it was, as long as I kept looking in the wrong place. There were things that I wasn't ready to acknowledge, that I had blocked out and therefore couldn't be solved and that prevented me to find the only way out: right through them. Wait. Think about it and wait, maybe there's someting you can't see yet, because all this pain HAS a damn valid reason, trust me. And anyone feeling what you felt and what you feel would be stuck, and hopeless
@GhostlyLilian
Different people. Same feelings huh?
You said all this pain has a vaild reason. Explain please.
@Greenapple1
I don't mean "God has a plan for you" and stuff, I don't even believe in God and when people come out like that, it makes me kind of angry. I mean you feel hurt for a reason, and that reason is something REAL hurt you really bad, it's not your fault, you're not wrong for feeling it. You're supposed to, anyone in your situation would be supposed to, and your pain is real, and that's why it affects your reality. At some point, a truck run over you, and right now, you're still lying on the road, with all bones broken and bleeding from... how many years? And you're oddly freaking out about not deserving a doctor because you can't stand and walk away from the road. That's the situation, if you prefer seeing it like that. I am SURE your pain is real, and that you have all the right to feel depressed, or to have depression, or to feel desperate and hopeless
@GhostlyLilian
I truly understand now. I guess you can put feelings on paper. Or you've been through alot to know. But my situations is 100% like that.
Have any ideas what i should do? Or should i just wait till every thing gets cleared up?
@Greenapple1
wait and help time.
I mean: thing won't magically get fixed by theirselves. Try to understand why you feel lie that, get preofessional help if you can, but most important, all th "excuses" that you make to yourself, like "i'm not lazy, I'm depressed", "I feel like that because that horrible thing happened to me"... "i got run over by a truck"... they're probably not excuses. work on those, ask yourself hou you think those things would make another person feel, what would another person need in that situation (sometimes it's easier to think to others taht to ourselves) and ask yourself if at that moment, you had what you needed to get over your feelings in the best way possible. Detect all open wounds and try healing them. Find out where you broke and how to fix it piece by piece
@GhostlyLilian
Iv been trying to do that. Just dont have the motivation too. But your words gave me some spark. So ill try again. But thanks for stoping by and helping.
Hopfully the "healing processes" doesn't take long.
Hey guys! Im Izzie. Currently Im a member, but Im thinking about becoming a listener.
Hi izzie 
Welcome and good luck for your journeys here 
I suggest you to take your time to get to know the site and how it works before trying. There's a lot of things to learn to be a proper listener, and you'll be available for people who ask support long before knowing all that you should, and what tools you can use, how to use them and so on. Take it very seriously, because it will require a big emotional effort, dealing with people in very difficult situations, sometimes putting aside what you think and what you consider to be right to try and understand the other person's perspective, and offer support, keep an open communication and not judging, even though he/she did or thinks something that you absolutely disagree with. It's not easy at all, believe me, you'll always have more to learn and ways you can always improve yourself, as a listener and as a person, and I think it's amazing, but it's also a big responsibility and it won't be all roses and flowers, just like having a chat with a friend or posting something in a thread. I'ts so different. So be prepared, and good luck!
@AmberGlowFalls
Thank you, I
