Yeet- dpr HMU 🖤

Does anyone here suffer from depersonalisation/derealization if so please HMU :)

i have been suffering from it for the last 5-6 years, I am now emotionally drained and I am numb to most mental pains. I am feeling empty 24/7 and I am constantly wanting to end my self, but I do not have the energy and the courage to do so. I just want some one else who struggles from it to talk to because I know a lot of people have it but some not as serious as others. I am constantly disconnected from reality and life is all but a dream but real without a conscious. I cant cry my body wont let me so atm I am somehow holding the ocean back idk how but I cant realese it. I have recently started seeing a councillor but now she has gotsome people to check in on me, so basically Suicide watch. She feels that I wont live long enough to our next appointment, shes not entirely wrong but no matter how much I just want to fucking killl my self I just never can. I dont know why but I cant open up about any of my feelings toqards my parents or friends I just cant realese. My councillor was just lucky I guess. Idk what I just write I just went on a rant but there is soo much more to it I just cant say it all. I grew up with an abusive dad then without a dad, I have shut memory and I do not remember anything escpically my childhood, I hate who I am, everyone thinks Im fine, i am always in auto-pilot never actually living, life is going to fast, and I just want to give up.@jazzza.t