Confused
I'm not sure if this is what this place is for or this is right place but I'll write it anyway. Never wrote one. I'm sorry if it's not
I have a diagnosis of anorexia. For a few years i became obsessed with losing weight and my body image. I've had therapy, it helped a bit. I'm not so obsessed with my body. But now all I do is binge eat then make myself be sick. Which has been for a few months now
I've asked to change my diagnosis but they won't. I feel like I'm failing anorexia and being thin. And I'm not normal. Every time i binge is the lowest and lonliest I feel. I feel disgusting out of control and ashamed. I dont really enjoy it so it makes it even more confused. I eat so much until I'm really uncomfortable and keep keep eating when it's already making me feel sick. The process is horrible and dont get why i do it. I know I've read about starving my brain ive become obsessed with food but it's been a while now.
No one will help me cause im a healthy weight which just makes me feel my problems are small, yet i feel worse compared to when i was just restricting
Feel like i just need to grow up.
@littlePapaya7379
It sounds like you are in a rough spot right now, and I can understand why with this binging you feel like you have "failed" being anorexic, we can be so hard on ourselves. The thing is eating disorders are so complex and may varry in symptoms and the way it shows itself, which is frustrating I know. And everyone in this community is here for you. This is the right place to talk about whatever is on your mind and get support!! I am glad that you did!
@littlePapaya7379
Hi Papaya,
Thank you for posting - this is definitely a good place for that. I am sorry it is has been so hard for so long, and that you feel you don't have support from them right now. Binging and then being sick happen because we're ill, it is not your fault you've binged and made yourself sick, it is an illness that causes this. And yes, I totally understand feeling confused - it is like a part of you doesn't want it, yet another part acts anyway. It is so normal to feel confused. And then, yeah, feeling ashamed is awful, I hate to feel ashamed.
Not sure this is much help but I just wanted to say that I relate to your story. It seems you want to fight your illness, and that is so inspiring!! I hope things get better for you with time.
Take care,
Peace
@littlePapaya7379
Your feelings are valid. Thanks for sharing your story, its super brave of you and I am proud you are reaching out for help on 7cups <3<3<3 I struggle with anorexia too so I can relate to alot about what your wrote. Remember that eating disorders are more mental than weight disorders. The real part of the disorder is in your thoughts and unhealthy thinking, the weight part is a symptom of the disorder. I hope you keep choosing recovery and even tho its super hard!!! I beeleaf you can overcome this <3<3<3
Thank you @TheAsh @miraculousPeace and @summertimeSamness for your support And kind words. I really appreciate it. <3 <3 <3
Ive been still trying to seek professional help for this - for the door to be slammed in my face :( feel like they gave up on me. Makes me so hopeful:/ but there has to more to life then this
@littlePapaya7379
You're welcome, we won't close the door on you, we are here for you and support you. I can understand how hard it can be to deal with this, and your not alone
