Help

@forcefulShip1950

Hi,
Did you get any help already? I happened to scroll over your post and OMG, it scared me half to death.

First, let me tell you: GET HELP. If you didn't already, PLEASE SEEK SOME HELP. At your parents, friends, school, doctor, I don't care. Every step is a first step.

Next, let me tell you why this scared me. I'm 29 years old now. When I was 16, I had anorexia. My thoughts were exactly like yours: If I loose weight and get skinny, I will be perfect. My parents never saw what I was doing (but I actually now suspect they just didn't want to know) and this madness went on for a year or so. Eventually, my girlfriend (who is now my wife, btw ) got me out of it. I still don't know how she did it, but she did and I'm still very gratefull.
I wished I had sought professional help, though. A little less than 10 years after that, I fell into the pit I'm still trying to climb out of right now. I've had multiple jobs I kept leaving because I hated it, I stopped eating for a while and that anorexia evolved into a weird eating disorder that is a combination of orthorexia, anorexia athletica and some other stuff. I've hated myself for 25 years, I'm in a severe depression now and can't hold a job. I had to quit the last one because I couldn't concentrate. I was thinking about food, how I could do better and how I could be perfect all the time. That was 10 months ago.

I'm not trying to scare you. It doesn't have to end for you this way, certainly not. I know for sure that if my parents had acknowledged what I was doing in my teens and sent me to a shrink, it wouldn't have ended this badly. In my opinion, an eating disorder is always a sign of underlying isues. The eating disorder is just a symptom.

That being said... Yes, you are in your puberty. For most people puberty only ends when they're 20 or so. Your body and mind need time to evolve and it takes a while. It's also the period during which you are very susceptible for new stuff. You're trying to form your identity; that's what puberty is for.
And I'm no professional, but to your question if it sounds like anorexia: YES. God, yes! You don't need validation from others, because you sense there is something 'wrong' with you. You feel like something's off and that's always a good reason to seek someone who wants to help you. Find someone who believes you (a friend, maybe, a family member, your doctor) and work from there. Find a good therapist and work through whatever you have to go through to let this go.
I know it's not easy. I've been in recovery for 10 months now and sometimes there are days I don't want to eat. Sometimes I skip meals. That's because of that stupid little voice in your head that's called anorexia. She doesn't know what's best for you, she just wants to get her way with you. She wants to make you miserable, because that's when she's happiest. You don't always need to listen to her. She doesn't tell the thruth. (I know it all sounds so logical what she's saying, I've been there and sometimes still go there. But she's feeding you bullshit, believe me). Please start defying her a little bit by seeking help. It will get better. She will fight and not go under without kicking and screaming, but you are stronger. You are stronger and I know this because you got an account at 7cups. That's an act of defiance. There's some part of you that's determined to fight back. To pull anorexia's hair and scratch her in the face. (Or something less violent, I can live with that, too. )

Okay, I'm going to say it just one more time and then I'll stop: Please get some help.

I hope you read this. I'm worried about you, so please take care.

All the love in the world,
Jenny