Jealous of partners (possibly triggering material)
To begin, I'm 25 years old, FTM transgender. I was raised with a female body and female body standards.
I weigh around [weight edited by 24Help1] lbs. Before starting hormones I weighed around [weight edited by 24Help1].
I'm in a polyamorous relationship with my wife and two other transmen. Both of whom fit the "ideal" body standards of being thin, lean, and athletic. One, J, has a metabolic birth defect where he can't keep weight on. The other, N, fought with bulimia in his youth and has always naturally been rather small.
It's gotten to the point that I'm seeing pictures of J when he goes to the gym, with his tiny stature and musculature and I'm feeling insanely jealous. I look at him and I want to starve myself. I would sooner be too thin than too fat. I've been hating literally everything about my appearance lately and it's driving me mad. I pack lunches for work and I more often than not don't eat them because I'm stuck in the mentality of food=fat. I cannot use calorie counters to lose weight because I start challenging myself to stay undernourished. There's an exercise class I want to take but currently due to my work hours I'm unable to participate in it.
I do have a therapist and these are issues we've been addressing. Does anyone have any other ideas or suggestions as to how they've been started recovery or have been recoving from their anorexic behaviors and thoughts?
@astuteScorpius I don't have much that's useful for you, but I'll tell you this. You can't let your emotions overrule your reasoning. You know what a healthy diet should be. Regardless of how you feel, you will have to make yourself do what's healthy. That's not easy, but it's possible if you work with your therapist and think about long-term benefits. You must do what's best for you in the long term, not just what your emotions tell you to do right now. You can do this. Good Luck.
@astuteScorpius please visit www.b-eat.co.uk all the imformation you need is on there ,
or message me thanks
anna
I can relate to your situation. I am 5'11"and 145 lbs, but my girlfriend is 6'0" and 127 lbs. As you can see there is a pretty big diffference. Especilly since I was 160 a couple months ago. I am extremely selfconsiouc about my body as well. Like you said it is very hard to calorie count because when you are malnourished you lost muscle mass. People downgrade eating disorders in men but we can have just as many problems. I try to diet but fail and then am guilted into purging my guts out. Well best of luck to you!!! @astuteScorpius
@kindSquare9304
It's not even that I've lost muscle mass, I can't calorie count because my brain starts challenging me to lower the number of intake. I used to have an app that was helping me but as time went on and I found out it would reprimand you for eating too little, it became a goal to make it under the number that the app deemed unacceptable.
Best of luck to you as well. Men can be just as much a victim to these disorders as women.