My experience & concerns

I don't have anything diagnosed yet, but I'm afraid I may be anorexic. I've been feeling guilty after eating ever since I can remember, I started skipping meals 2 years ago, then started eating again but now it got so much worse. I have a calorie counting app and I eat 400kcal a day, starving almost all the time. When I eat, I eat only small meals and avoid "normal" meals, eating only ones like oatmeal on water or cucumber with yogurt. A while ago I also created a Pinterest board with "goals" and "allowed meals", as well as a Spotify playlist about how I feel. One of my friends knows about this and is incredibly concerned but I just can't stop. I feel so much better than before once I started eating less and I know what it can lead to or just how unhealthy it is but I just can't stop now. I'm closer to my dream body than ever before, I don't want to stop, ever. A year ago I weighted 60kg, my current weight is around 50kg and my goal is 40/35kg or less. Yes, I'm aware it's very unhealthy and unnatural and that I'd look like skin and bones but I don't mind, as long as I don't feel guilty in my own body for just existing.

I don't expect a response from anyone, but i just wanted to tell someone about it, even if it's just through a website.