Newbie here: Will I ever be okay with myself?

So, I was diagnosed and treated for AN in 2014 and have had a couple close calls where my weight dipped too low again. I call those times relapses, but I cant help but feel like I have never actually recovered. Sometimes Im just at a healthier weight so my body is functioning normally and sometimes Im not. No matter what, Im still ALWAYS thinking about what I eat. When Im at a good weight I feel disgusting. I hate myself and how I feel in my body. I feel trapped in someone else and it consumes my whole mind. I become irritable and antisocial. I dont know what to do.

A bit about my recent situation: I was diagnosed in college and did outpatient treatment for a couple of years. I graduated with an Art education degree and was a teacher for 2 years. I was very unhappy in my job. I relapsed (?) pretty badly and became extremely depressed. I quit teaching, moved back home with my parents, and got an office job a couple months ago. Im weight recovered again but I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. I dont know how else to say it. Im just really down