very tired

im not going to disclose how long, as i know eating disorders are contagious and competitive. i dont want to hurt anyone. but i started a fast and i cannot stop and im so exhausted. i wish i could change. i tried and i clearly didnt do so well. i know eating disorders take a lifetime to heal but all i seem to care about right now is getting worse and losing weight, and all the logic i was able to provide myself in active recovery, i am not now. i just feel like im in too deep again.