ED, sexuality, bingeing teases me

hey,

i don't know if I found the right forum and if anyone can relate to this but maybe you can help me... I have never really binged, but i somehow have the strong desire to do so. I am afraid of giving in. Problem is also, and I really feel ashamed for that, that it rly sexually teases me to think about it - about overeating and just letting go of any control regarding this.

I always felt like I need to deny these thoughts and sexual fantasies or punish myself by staying on a diet or working out a lot in order to maintain control. I really do not know how to deal with this. It would be a great pleasure for me to just gain weight on the other hand I really don't want to destroy my body and/or health. Also I don't find big people physically attractive. It is just the thought of bingeing... So I denied the desire for years but also lost any other sexual interests.

Anyone here who can help me? I am not sure if i hit the right forum. But for me it is something inbetween ED and sexuality problems. I am so afraid of bingeing and being to weak and just gaining weight... I am so ashamed and disgusted by my desires! On the other hand I can no longer deny the thoughts, that I am teased by them. They are inside of me. Since puberty. Now i am 23.

Anyone here who knows how to deal with all of this? I am so confused.