Faking reglion
I'm an closeted angostic altheist that only very few knows outside of family
who's i grown up with a family who practices Christianity and sent me to church alot and Bible studies.
I only gone to church because of in person groups for support and company, recovery groups are not available to me in person and only online access available including on the weekends. Except the binges are in secret at home due to stressors.
I only do recovery eating (instead of binging and purging, in harm reduction since relapse)
In public due to shame. Today since one of the leaders came up to me to talk doesn't know anything about me out of politeness
Cause I guess my vibes are off to check in or something.
I started to half lie alot about being in the same beilef as they are.
I feel disgusted for those actions and I want to binge as soon I get to the grocery store. All I did was music games, an breathing app and some animal videos so far and than I figured talk it out here
@Wifidazze
I understand how difficult it can be to navigate a situation where you feel like you're pretending to be someone you're not, especially when it comes to matters of faith and personal beliefs. It sounds like you've been through a lot and are trying your best to cope with the challenges you face. It takes courage to reach out and talk about what's going on. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.
Hi have you considered just telling the truth at some point in your life it's going to come out anyway, maybe you don't know what true Christianity is you have a perspective of it due to being brought up in that way of being (I was a pastor's daughter). But you are you and if you want help it begins with being honest that is the hardest battle for any of us but don't lose you in trying to be someone else.
God might speak to you in ways you won't understand if you talk to him too you don't believe he is there that's fine most people don't but why not ask him if he's there? Why not just not listen to the church and the family and go to him directly and ask him to show you who he is