I'm so lost

So today, after avoiding going to the doctor for years, I finally went, and of course, my weight was the primary issue. I'm used to this feeling, the feeling of utter inadequacy that you feel when you see the scale and know why that number is so high, but feel so helpless because you know why it's so high but you can't stop it. I got home after my health lecture, and I've never felt more of an urge to binge, although it's exactly what has gotten me to this point. But I fought it, and decided to just skip eating. I don't trust myself enough to right now.