So confused with whats happening to me!
Hello everyone.
So, I'm just going to come out and say it. I have BED. But lately, I'm finding myself only eating a packet of crisps throughout the day and then not eating at all. 
When it comes to eating my dinner/tea, I feel sick of the thought of food. At this point, I'm not hungry and have to force myself to eat the food, and because of this, I'm loosing weight much faster. This isn't the long term goal. I'm not sure really what the goal is, but all I know is, I don't want to eat. When I did eat, I had a pizza and somehow I lost the weight really fast. But the thought of food makes me want to vomit and I would never make myself vomit (it's too much effort and too messy for me!) I'm not really sure what to do as I know I need to eat, but if I eat, I'll go on a huge binge eating session and I can't control what I do when I go on one. 
I'm really stumped and wanted to know if anyone else is going through this or has been through it? I haven't told my parents or family about my binge eating or how I'm feeling. I guess over the last year or so, I've put on so much weight and become anxious to go outside because I feel like I'm a size 22, when in fact, I'm not. When I look at myself, all I see is thunder thighs and a podgy tummy. Even though it's gone down, I still see it as huge! You could also say I have body dysmorphic (BDD) but I have never seen anyone about my eating habits or told anyone, only my boyfriend.
I'm not asking for advice as such as I know advice cannot be given, but I'm just wondering if anyone else is going through this or has gone through this?
@StrawberryMilkshakeandOreos
It does sound really confusing, but I'm certain that you won't be the only one.
Thanks @DavidEss for replying.
It seems like I am the only one at the moment which makes it even more scary!
@StrawberryMilkshakeandOreos
The whole thing sounds like it's confusing and scary, tbh.
Sounds like you have no real sense of what your body is up to?
Hey, @DavidEss. That is very correct, I have little/no idea what is going on with my body, let alone in my brain. My eating habits are all over the place and I have no clue how I am going to cope. I have no energy anymore and fear I'm going down a dark path!
@StrawberryMilkshakeandOreos
It sounds really difficult to know what to do for the best. Off the top of my head I would be suggesting you follow some kind of 'healthy diet' but I suspect that if you try that the battle may be on.
What has been suggested to you by people you know?
it's likely that your appetite has gone really screwy due to the long period of improper eating, it could also be psychological fear of eating = binging and thus a fear of eating at all. I know the fear part was definitely a big factor when my binging was worse - I could never bring myself to eat but when I finally "gave in" or "spiraled" it would be a massive binge, and then the cycle would repeat over the next few days.
I don't have the best answer to this, just thought I'd share what I know~
Hey, @fairyfluff1231. Thank you so much for your reply - it helped me a lot actually! 
I totally agree with you, my appetite seems to have gone due to the long period of improper eating. I think you might have hit the nail on the head - "it could also be psychological fear of eating". I guess I am scared to eat and I guess this puts me off and makes me spiral when I do eat. I feel that my appitite is all over the place, hence why my binging is like everywhere at the moment!
It's a scary cycle and hard to get out off. I just need a support system around me and I'm hoping I can get it from this community! 
Once again, thank you so much for explaining things and making things seem clearer and for replying to me!
I noticed that you mentioned your BED to you boyfriend. I don't know your living situation, but maybe have him help you if you live together. When I lived at home, my mom would manage my portions and help me to redirect when she noticed I was spiraling. It took a lot of stress off of me and helped a lot. Maybe he would be able to do something similar for you? I know it won't help your appetite return, but it may help ease the fear of bingeing.
@StrawberryMilkshakeandOreos I've been here for over a year now.
Mid-summer of 2017 I weighed 70 kilos, I'm a 156cm tall dude. I was overjoyed about my weight loss.
But that was when I made sure to have 3 meals a day. Now I often eat a 180g bag of cheese poofs throughout the day, maybe a small pizza and I feel full. Then another day I chow down over a kilo of chicken nuggets in one go. This made me go to 85 kilos now.
Because one day I barely eat and then I have random binges.
I do my best to eat more often, but it doesn't work and I can't do anorexia, I starve too much after two days of not eating anything (i used to be so poor i had to dumpster dive for food)
@StrawberryMilkshakeandOreos
I will say that I never really had an ED until the first time I lost a lot of weight. I hated being fat, but then I was thin and neurotic. i would be very careful about having others in control of your portions. It would be nice to see you in a healthy relationship with food. Loving kind thoughts to your body might be a good start. Sending good thouights your way!
I have absolutely the same problem. please help
