Why?
i've been struggling a lot with my body imagine these past couple years. But recently i've noticed that it's gotten worse. (Especially since I started highschool, a few years ago)
I just want to feel happy and take a look at myself in the mirror and feel confident and happy.
I've lost around 35 pounds since around june of 2022 because my head simply does not want to eat, fearing that i will look worse. It doesnt get any better.
Some days it happens that i look at myself and feel confident, but the second i see someone with a perfect body, that confidence just leaves and makes me think i can do so much better.
Usually i only eat dinner because my mom makes me and i would feel bad not eating the food she makes. I dont eat breakfast or lunch and going to school really distracts my head from it.
I used to eat a lot. I would eat when i was bored or sad or angry. My family never stopped me which is the thing I hate the most. It was unhealthy but they never noticed.
But now just looking at food makes me physically sick. I get dizzy quite often and sometimes think im going to pass out.
I think comments about my appearence coming from my family is what has ruined me the most. I'm struggling so much and all i used to hear was "You could lose a few pounds" or jokes about my weight.
But now i hear things like "Did you lose weight?" "You look skinnier" etc. Even tho this change happened only in a couple months, they don't even seem alerted that something must be going on.
I fear to tell my family about how I feel because I know they would laugh at me and think im being dramatic. But really I just wish they could think straight and actually see that I am not okay.
Everytime I try just the slightest bit to say something they will look at me like i'm crazy. They think this is just the "teenager phase" and that I am not mentally ill.
I need someone to listen to me for once because I am seriously losing it. Just understand what i have to say please, I am hanging on by a thread.
I just want to look perfect in the eyes of others and myself. But it's never enough.
So sorry I posted this in the wrong section.
Your family are no help.
Straight to the point.
I grew up in a household that made you eat my dad was strict we had to finish everything on our plates all the time if you cried about it you got the belt if you tried to hide it or bin it you would have to eat it out of the bin.
I hated food I hated my body I was the chubby child the one that had a meltdown every morning at the age of 8 because my school trousers would not close and I knew I would get laughed at in school but mum never just seemed to buy a size up weather she couldn't afford them or just couldn't be bothered I don't know but all I know is that her and my family laughing at me did not help!
It began for me when I saved all my pocket money to buy this beautiful sparkly top I wanted for Xmas so I could feel beautiful then the day I wore it all they did was joke and call me a tinseled turkey I was a child and my mind went into a dark place by the age of 17 I was skinny from years of battling eating disorders and one suicide attempt at the age of 13 that mam and dad did not know about but Even thought I was skinny I still felt massive.
I continued to carry on trying not to eat and bingeing and purging it followed me right through my life I'm married with four children now I am unwell I walk with a stick and have no energy most days to play with my children I have to be in bed at 4 pm because if I have managed to do anything in the day it has exhausted me by that time I have given myself so much stomach issues from pain from ulcers and vommiting blood to now gastroparapariasis and I can't eat I can't swallow I have to live on high calorie shakes and what for?
Who for?
All because of trying to fit in?
Trying to feel pretty?
No one cares and that's reality I know that sounds harsh but it's the truth you are on their lips for a few moments of gossip but five minutes later they talk about someone else they are the problem not you.
Don't waste your life your loves your passions on people that don't deserve it it is not worth it if I could talk to my younger self I would learn to be happy with what Iam enjoy what I have love the food that I like and the food I love not to binge but to enjoy it lose some weight okay count calories do it safely if you feel like you can't do that speak to your GP there is so much help out there especially nowadays you don't have to suffer alone!
Please understand that your family are not everything I have hardly anything to do with mine I never really see them anymore they will never understand the damage they done they would probably laugh about it and say that I was a drama queen but it exists! This shadow of self hatred and confidence eating monster that tears us up daily exists and we battle with him every minute in our minds every choice we make he makes it with us don't let it consume you please bypass your family speak to your GP or even school etc get the help you need not for anyone else but for you.
