Will I ever be ok or is this life now?
I can’t believe I’ve found myself here but I don’t know where else to turn. It’s been a tough 14 months for me and after someone very close to me passing away, a break up and lockdown all I want to do is eat. I go to bed every night with the intention of eating clean and starting again tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. I hate myself, the person I’ve become. Making my way through 7 chocolate mini bars (yes 7) kills me. I’ve gained 1 stone in 2 months. I just want to get back to the old me. I feel guilt, shame, hurt.. I don’t want to leave the house. This is not me, how do I stop it?
@energeticPeach9002 The more you don't do the thing you fear, the worse the fear will get. That's my experience anyways. So if you don't wanna go out, or are afraid of it, you should actually go out. On walks, runs, bikerides, whatever!
And I have a problem similair to yours. I eat at night. What has helped me is to have something healthy around that I can eat. And have it in my bedroom, so I don't get tempted to go into the kitchen and eat everything. For me it's low cal greens like cucumber, bell pepper and carrots. And occacionally raspberrys or strawberries. The trick is to stick to the healthy options.
Another trick is to NOT buy the stuff you shouldn't eat. I know it sounds very simple, but if you don't have it in the house then you can't eat it. And DO NOT go grocery shopping while hungry or on the erge of a binge. Trust me, it won't do you anything good. You can also use your shame constructively by going grocery shopping with a friend or someone you don't wanna binge or eat unhealthy in front of. Preferably someone you kinda wanna impress. Bc then you don't want them to see all the "crap" you buy/eat. That's what I have learned to do to not binge, if you have a hard time saying 'no' to "bad" food, when you have it in the house 
@energeticPeach9002
im sorry for your loss and everything you've been going through right now. all of this must be verry difficult and a pandemic on top of that.... my advice to you would be to start by making small choices for yourself each day to change. do something that makes you happy. go on a 5-10 minute walk, call a friend, take a hot bath. Absolutely anything that might make you feel a little better. tune into your body, and listen to what it wants. what are your favourite healthy foods to eat/ cook for yourself? take deeps breaths and eat slowly, listen to music rather than watching something while eating. remember what what makes you feel good. everything can't bee changed at once. but just taking that first step will make a huge difference. i am thinking about you and believe in you and your journey to health and happiness.
