Frustration (Trigger Warning)

I’ve been pushed by my family and doctors to lose weight ever since I was a young girl, but now I’ve started overeating on anything I feel the need to in the moment feeling its okay because I’m gonna throw it up later but I’m so frustrated and angry at myself because I keep thinking that I should be getting skinnier bur I’m not I’m only worse now than before and I want help I just don’t know where to go