A poem: Finish
The sadness eats at my soul and wonder what is the point?
She comes back to me once again, ravished for nourishment, starving for restriction.
I hate her and I protect her because she seems to be my only friend.
No one else would understand, or put up with my insolence.
I?m inconsolable and she?s uncontrollable and soon I?ve lost my grip.
Who is the leader of my life at this point? Just one more pound..
When the ringing wakes me in the mornings, anymore I can?t be shaken.
I don?t want to be awakened because at least my nightmares aren?t numb.
What?s the point in this life of mine, run by her and suffered by me?
Where is the end of this tunnel, will I be wandering forever? Will I suffocate in here?
I?m done fighting, I feel beaten and I crawl my way to the side to rest.
She?s still kicking me, still attacking me, but I don?t have the fighting spirit.
Nothing?s left anymore.. I can?t finish this race.
This is how I feel when I'm deep in my eating disorder. Sometimes it can take hold of your life and completely encompass you. Sometimes it seems unmanagable and it feels like the disorder has won. But no matter how low you get, there is always a way out.