Beauty is on the inside (TW)

Ive been told countless times beauty is on the inside

and I try really hard to be a good person. Someone who is beautiful on the inside.

Im spearheading an environmental project at my school, I do teacher assistance, I get straight As, I help other students, Im part of a group called me to we that helps out with the community, and Im on the youth bracnch of advisory council for my city. I constantly b e sure to be nice to everyone I can and try to make the world a better place.

But no one noticed me for these things when I didnt have an ED. No one complimented me or told me I was a beautiful person on the inside

but when I started talking to my now ex(well call him Josh for securitys sake), I started losing weight. Because I believed that no one would love me if I was what I call fat, which was having an average BMI.

I stopped eating.

People started complimenting me. Telling me I was beautiful. On the outside. And it felt good. The more weight I lost, the more people complimented me.

And me and Josh started hanging out more. And talking. Every single day.

Now we couldnt technically date because he was my sisters best friend and that whole story is another can of worms to open. But the bottom line is that we had to be secret.

But he would tell me how beautiful I was. And he would tell me more and more how beautiful I was. Every day.

And when I showed him pictures of my body he would tell me I was beautiful. I was skinny. And he loved seeing me.

After an incident where we realized that this wouldnt work out because of my sister being his best friend and because he was too depressed to be in a relationship. We broke up.

I started talking to him recently. And he asked me how I was doing with my eating. And I told him its rare that I eat a meal anymore.

He asked why and I told him that I wanted to be pretty.

And he told me I would be if I actually gained weight.

He made me stop eating and then told me that I wasnt beautiful anymore because of it.

And I was telling this story to someone and they told me beauty is on the inside. You dont need to reach your UGW to be beautiful.

But that is so so so untrue.

Society is messed. The standards for beauty are messed. I need to be skinny to beautiful and Im just gonna keep losing weight until he thinks Im beautiful again.

Beauty is on the outside.