Body Dysmorphia destroys my life
I am in recovery from an ED. I was being really restrictive, but I am getting better. I have two solid meals a day and drink some protein powder for lunch, bc I can't handle eating lunch yet.
But for almost a year now I have been doing weightlifting at the gym. I can see that I'm lifting heavier and heavier weights (dumbells, kettlebells and so on). I'm doing 50 kg at the bench press which is pretty good in my eyes. I like lifting heavily, and I like getting stronger. I have one problem though:
When I look at my body it still looks flappy and ugly. I can't see my muscles even if I'm not exactly fat or anything, but bc of Body Dysmorphia I can't see if my muscles are growing. My social support person says she can see I have grown quite a lot of muscle, but it's kinda disappointing to not be able to see it yourself, you know?
Can I ever get rid of Body Dysmorphia?
@TheMadHatterWasHere
Hi love, I hope that by the time you're seeing this, you feel a little better! I'm so glad to hear that you're recovering from an ED and I hope you get to a point where you can eat lunch too 🤍 And regarding your issue with body dysmorphia-- I know it's hard to look in the mirror and see yourself and your body as someone strong and beautiful, and it is a long, hard process during the road of recovery. I can't say if you can every get rid of body dysmorphia love, but you can be aware of it. You can become aware of the fact that you're only seeing yourself in a negative light because your brain tells you to do so. Perhaps try identifying exactly why you're feeling this way and change your mindset love. Learn your triggers and learn more about your body -- what it likes and what it doesn't like (in all aspects), get to know yourself better love, connect to yourself, keep yourself grounded! 🌷 You can do this in many different ways -- writing in a journal, recording yourself everyday and talk about how you felt, or perhaps even just doing something you love. The first step to recovery is self love and self care, babes! I do hope you start to see your body in a more positive light, though it's easier said than done, but feel free to pop into my PMs if you ever need someone to talk to love. I wish you all the best in your journey to recovery!🤍🤍
@Helpingxhearts Thank you for the long message! I really appreciate that. I really do. I try to be body positive, and I know with my logic that I ain't fat, but when I look in the mirror all I see is fat.
But I try to rely on my social support peoples' comment on how my body is changing to the better and more muscular. If I can't see it, then at least others can ❤️