Can't look at myself in the mirror
Ok so last year or so I lost a bunch of weight and was pretty obsessive over food and exercise because my life was not fun and I thought I'd just focus on this stupid ideal of self-perfection, which backfired obviously. I was never underweight and in fact at my smallest I was smack in the middle of the healthy weight range, but I had no period... so I gained back some weight and I lost it again this year and now I've stopped all exercise and have been eating normally for a few months. I'm physically recovered (I think), considering how .I have no problems eating (and eating a lot) but my period is still not here.. probably due to stress. But due to this weight gain I now have problems with how I look... I can be super body positive on my own and towards my friends and I've stopped some of the body checking but I'm still uncomfortable with photos and I tend to avoid looking at mirrors (which I know is very problematic). Today I decided to face it and I really didn't like how big and short my legs were and how they chafed and made the way I walk look so weird and unnatural. I've always had thick thighs but ugh.. I don't know what to do? I also know BMI is bullshit but I am probably heavier than before my ed which is ok I've accepted it but I'm still really frustrated like why isn't my period coming back?
Now my brain is filled with thoughts of ways to exercise and stuff but I don't want to go back to my old habits. How do I get rid of this mentality? What should I do?
@tealShade2096
Who was the most helpful member of your care team when you had your ed?
What did they tell you about 'relapsing'?
@Gara11 I was never diagnosed and I've never told anyone about this (my parents assumed I was trying to get healthy). Nobody raised any concerns as I was never thin in fact I was on the high end of a normal BMI before I lost weight
How much do you feel you are struggling with this in your day-to-day life, @tealShade2096?
@Gara11 I'm generally functional bc i tend to ignore it but recently i've been trying to confront/get rid of this problem and it's been quite hard
@tealShade2096
Oh my goodness - I just saw this reply - so sorry! How are things going?
i feel so fat and i look ugly and fat fat fat
@tealShade2096
Challenging episodes are part of growing strong and in control of the situation. If I would feel this way, I would probably seek a strong support system, family, therapy even religious if I thought it would help. This support system will strengthen your mind until you can do it on your own again. Having a plan B always helps!:) would you consider that? ;)