Ed?

I love food and I used to eat a lot before (nothing crazy just a lot) then I started binging in my senior year and when I went to uni I continued to binge. However I wouldn’t binge too bad. I’d eat a lot yes and a lot of snacks yes but when I’d be full I would usually be able to stop. However I got rejected recently and I felt like it had to do with my weight and body image so I lost weight during lockdown (part of it was healthy but the other half was on restriction) I would eat as low as 800 calories per day. Once I reached one of my old goals I stopped for a while from dieting and I started to binge once a week so I don’t gain the weight again. I would binge by eating all the foods I love in the same day, like I’d try to fit them all in and in large quantities even if I’m full I’d continue eating. It reached the point where I feel nauseous at the end of the day. I then decided to go on a diet that a doctor would write for me but she made it so restrictive I can’t stop thinking about quitting and binging again. Like I keep telling myself so what if I eat everything and become so fat but then at other times I say what about the clothes I won’t fit in anymore. I just don’t know how to find a balance and not always wanna binge