I can't deal with school anymore.
Usually, during the school week, I go home to eat so that I don't have to eat a lot and people don't start asking questions. But on Mondays I have an extra course over lunch and I have to stay at school. I don't really have any friends at school, but there is this tiny group of people I usually eat lunch with. They constantly tell me to "just eat" and be happy and stop dragging them down. I don't mean to, of course, but I can't force myself to be happy all the time. Believe me, I try. I try really hard to be happy so that I am not always serious and making other people feel bad. I don't want to do that. But I can't smile anymore and I can't make myself eat more than a few bites of a sandwhich. I just can't deal with people making me feel bad for my problems anymore, making me feel bad for something I can't control. I don't know what to do. I am just losing my mind. On top of that, they are all so pretty and have nothing to worry about. I am just the ugly one that isn't good at anything and is a drag to everyone else because she won't be happy.
Hi there @scarsandwords. I can imagine that it must be exhausting to try to be something or someone you are not all the time. To feel that you have to hide. To feel like you can't be yourself. If you are feeling sad or down or unhappy most of the time, I wonder if you could be depressed. Have you thought about that? If so, I wonder how you would feel about going to your doctor or a psychiatrist and discuss the possibiltity of medication. Or maybe you've thought about the possibility of seeing a therapist? What do you think about that?
@Chiaroscuro1 I think you are right. I just can't do this all by myself anymore.
@scarsandwords - We all need help. I hope you will allow yourself to have it. Please feel free to let us know how things develop.
@Chiaroscuro1 Thank you. You are amazing
@scarsandwords
I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time in school. I know what it feels like to try and be something you're not - you start to feel so drained, tired, and confused about who you are and why you can't be like all the popular kids. But, know that you're not worthless or ugly. You are worthy and beautiful, on the inside and on the outside. We all struggle, and that's okay. We're here to support one another. And just food for thought: people may look like they have it all figured out on the outside, but many of them are going through some turmoil on the inside. I'm glad someone recommended talking to a medical professional, as that has proven beneficial for me in the past. We all have something going on, so just focus on finding a way to triumph over your issue. With someone as amazing as you, I have all the faith that you can do it. Many hugs 