I don't feel in control of what I eat at all
so tw, I guess
I know I'm in control of my own thoughts but it honestly doesn't feel like it a lot of the time. in the moment in which I'm hungry or upset with my body i just don't feel like I have any say in the matter. I just watch my brain run away with thoughts criticizing my body and counting calories and calling myself disgusting and the more I try to stop it the worse it gets. and worst of I just keep turning recovery against myself. I tell myself I'm recovering then binge then feel awful about myself. I tell myself Im not thin enough yet and don't have anything to recover from and start restricting food again. I tell myself recovery means being healthy not binging and make myself feel worse. I just feel awful no matter what I do. Theres so many other things I can't control and to not even feel in control of my own thoughts or what I eat just makes it worse. I feel bad because I don't have the self control to restrict my food intake then I feel bad because I don't have the self control to recover or I feel bad because I feel fat and ugly or I feel bad because I'm tired cold and hungry. I don't have any idea how to start dealing with this. Does anyone have any advice?
I don't have binges but my husband has struggled with binge eating disorder for most of his life.
The idea that you have complete control over your thoughts is an outdated concept. Therapists used to say: Just change your thoughts. Or: You just need to think differently.
But it doesn't work that way and that's been widely recognized by modern day therapists. So please don't beat yourself up over not being able to always control your thinking. It just doesn't work that way.
You can't always be in control. But you can try to move back to following a normal eating pattern after you've lost control quicker.
After my husband binged he would be angry at himself and either keep binging or diet so strictly to regain control that the over compensation would launch him into the next binge.
Then, he started to make a game out of how quickly he could move back to a normal eating pattern that wasn't super restrictive. And the binges grew shorter, farther in between and eventually disappeared.
I don't if that would work for you but it did for him.