I don't know what I'm doing TW!!!

I've wrote about three of these threads before and i'm back again. But I really just feel alone, I feel like my eating is getting worse but I don't see any progress or changes. I've started to feel alot more guilty when I eat and as soon as I've finished eating it's like i want to go into the shower and ya know clear it out of my system. I just feel so guilty about food and I just feel like I have nobody to turn to because i'm not skinny because all I see is fat and I hate it i absoultley hate it. i'm at Uni working my butt off and all i can think about is how i'm not skinny enough and that I'm fat and gross. all I keep thinking about is calories calories calories. If anyone sees this can someone please just message me or something so i know i have some kind of support.

Sorry for the rant I just needed to get it all off my chest.