Is it an ed? Or am I just really messed up? **!!Possible Trigger Warning!!**
Hi guys!! So I'm relatively new here, and recently I've really been struggling with most things relating to or surrounding food.
So lately, I've been severely restricting my daily food intake and only taking a certain amount of mouthfuls of food, because it gives me a sense of control?? I don't really know why to be honest. But there will be times where I'll eat an apple (cut into eighths) for example for breakfast and then I won't eat anything else till dinner where I'll only most likely eat a sandwich.
And at the start of each day, I make myself guidelines, or "rules" surrounding how much food I'm going to eat and what I'm going to eat. And if at any time during the day, I break these "rules" I make myself vomit, as self punishment.
Is this an ed? Or is my mentality just messed up?
And if it is, can anyone suggest anything that may potentially help?
Thanks heaps
xx
@ThatGirlIsSad16 hello! Welcome to 7cups and thanks for sharing what you are going through….I think you might have eating disorder I mean looking at the info you gave here and those are the symptoms of eating disorder..you can get more information on eating disorder here on 7cups or on google.
you can also browse listeners who had eating disorder and you can talk to them they will be able to help you a lot…
Have a nice day 😊
@ThatGirlIsSad16 Hello and welcome! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the community. From what you have said, it looks like you are restricting your daily food intake and setting strict rules around food. The reason behind that might be you are trying to gain control in your life.
Since I have had an experience with an eating disorder, I understand how hard things might be for you right now. I encourage you to ask yourself: Why are you focusing your thoughts on food? What is the motive behind your behaviors? If you need additional support, feel free to pm me directly! Hope it helps! :)
@ThatGirlIsSad16
You ask the question..."Am I messed up?" The answer is no. What we perceive as being messed up always means there's something deeper going on.
It appears you have only recently experienced this issue with food and the behaviour that surrounds it.
Although recent, your situation may be the result of long term issues that have only just surfaced through some change in your life.
Or maybe with the passing of time, this behaviour over food is something that was only moderate at first - but now becoming more apparent.
The 'sense of control' may be needed because you feel that in other aspects of your life, there's limited or no control. You may be self-controlling in order to compensate for this problem.
We may seriously restrict ourselves at mealtimes because there are issues over feeling guilty when it comes to eating.
Past experiences over food can lead to feeling ashamed or guilty - such as family or school dinnertimes.
Even an illness resulting in dietary issues may contribute to your situation.
The strict 'rules' you make for yourself could be due to feelings of guilt, therefore resulting in this self-punishment of being sick.
There's also that desire to induce the vomiting as a way to 're-set' or correct yourself when you have broken those self-imposed rules.
It seems that you are tackling issues with guilt and this fear of losing control that are leading to your food related behaviour.
There are options and it's likely you are doing research on eating disorders and possible treatments.
Counselling could be a way forward as it may help to address the self-control, punishments and other emotions that you may be experiencing.
It can be just having someone to talk to about how you are feeling and explore these emotions, rather that deal with them on your own.
Hopefully. If you can work through your issues with self-control and punishment, this will help towards dealing with the eating disorder.
