I think I’ve developed an eating disorder
I’ve been wanting to lose weight for about 5 years now, but have only started actually trying since July - I got my Fitbit then and have committed to reading my goal weight, 55kg.
I initially tracked my steps and lowered my portions, 10k steps a day and around 2000 calories a day. However now I find myself doing 30k+ steps and have lowered my calorie intake to around 1300.
Before eating any breakfast I HAVE to get in 10k steps. Before eating lunch, I HAVE to have burned at least 1500 calories. I aim for 3000 calories burned a day. These are the “rules” that I have given myself.
Anytime I go out to eat at restaurants with my family, I always frantically research menus and try to find out calorie numbers - I’ll go for the lowest calorie option at all times, regardless of whether I like the food or not.
I’ve been following this for around 2 months now and am 2kg away from my goal. However it’s getting a bit difficult to stick to it now. I always end up bingeing a bunch of junk food once every week and then feeling awful about it. The next day I carry on with my diet as normal, but then end up bingeing again in the next week. This doesn’t really cause me to gain weight as I’m in a deficit for most of the week.
My parents keep telling me that I look ill and weak most of the time and I just feel rubbish about it because I thought that losing weight would make me look better. I’ve downloaded 7cups to get some advice or motivation and hopefully make me feel better.
@aquaAvocado2648 All I can say is that a lot of ppl in here feel the same way you do. You are not alone! 
@aquaAvocado2648 thanks for sharing this. It souds like wanting to get your weight under control, has ended up trying to control you. I had bullimia for many years, and it started a little like this, with periods of bingeing and restricting, and all these rules and obsession about calories, and getting steps in, or making sure I did exercise, or punishing myself when I ate something 'bad'. Its a terrible place to be, because often, all you can think about is food. Also the fact that you are binging regularly, and that your family has started to notice, are signs that probably your behaviour isnt healthy. If you want to chat about this, write me anytime. Would happily share my experience, and try to help you with yours.
@aquaAvocado2648
this feeling is quite understandable cant believe but been through the same thing 10 years ago..
as a room supporter in the healthy living room , i can say that we have a lot of sessions for eating disorders and not every eating disorder is the same and i feel like you eat normally yet you burn more than you intake thats the key to weight loss but too much can end up as a key to an eating disorder , thanks for connecting here and i hope you feel better ❤️
