It's getting worse (TRIGGER WARNING)
Lately my ED has gotten worse. I'm live of off very little calories (I can't name amount in here, so I won't), and I don't know what to do. I'm just stuck on fasting and eating very little when I eat. I don't feel hunger in the morning anymore. I like... don't feel it at all. I almost doesn't feel it at dinnertime either, and it scares me.
I am stuck in this cycle of having control over my eating, but still feeling stuff spiralling out of control. It feels good to fast for days even. I don't wanna eat, and I don't know what to do right now. I am so damn tired all the time, and I don't know what to do. Obvious answer is to eat more, but my anxiety of gaining is bigger than my want, my need, for recovering. So what the heck do I do? I don't know anymore.
I just sleep all the time, and when I don't sleep I'm out and about, working out, doing bikerides, walks whatever to burn calories. I don't know. I'm sleeping so much, bc I can't keep my eyes open. I can sleep from 12 in the night and until lunch, and then go for a nap later, bc I'm so tired :S
And I want it to stop. I want to have energy. I want to eat healthy. I don't wanna d*e from this, and the fact that I can (even though I'm not underweight, I can have organ failure) scares me to no end. But it still doesn't scare me enough to eat again. I must be really sick, huh? Or just crazy, I don't know...
@EvilRegalsReadToo
First, you're not crazy. There are lots of people that feel the way that you do. And many of them have gotten the help they needed, and have gotten better. You said you're scared of dying. You're still alive, so there's still time to het better.
Recovering from an ed isn't really a quick process. You're body is wired to be able to survive longer on less energy input. You'll have to rewire it into taking in a healthier amount.
Now, I personally haven't gone through what you are going through. And I'm not the most educated person out there. So I'm going to direct you to some websites that may help you more than I can.
https://www.waldeneatingdisorders.com/blog/7-secrets-to-eating-disorder-recovery/
https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/recovery/self-help-tools-skills-tips
There's a youtuber I watch called Jaiden Animations. She made a video called "Why I Don't Have a Face Reveal" I can't link it because I'm on a school chromebook and it's restricted. She talkes about some of the things she went through and how she recovered. There's also a behind the scenes video she made on a music video, and she gives advice on how to recover.
Recovery is mostly emotional. It's one of the more difficult parts of an ed. The most important thing you can to is talk about it to anyone. Friends, family, even strangers in a forum :). You posted this, which means you do have that strength in you to reach out.
@NihillisticNobody Thank you for the quick answer. Makes me kinda eased that I am not going crazy. I have tried talking to the nearest ED center, but they doesn't want me bc I'm not skinny enough, and I really don't know how else to get help. But Imma check out your links. Thank you! 