Not sure if I have an eating disorder.
Hi, I'm Amie. After a discussion with a friend last month, I'm considering that I may have an eating disorder. I'm not really sure of anything right now, just looking for information and exploring what's going on with my eating. Any help is appreciated.
I frequently skip meals or wait too long to eat. I either don't get hungry, get distracted and forget, or don't have the energy to make anything. I also associate the feeling of hunger with being thin and healthy, and will sometimes put off meals for that reason, as well.
I have strong urges to overeat, but I'm not sure I'm eating enough for it to count as binging. Usually 1- 2x the amount of food I need to feel full. I used to do this more, when I drove. I would pick up fast food on the way home from work and eat it alone in my bedroom. Eating this much made me feel better. I don't drive anymore, so my partner is always with me when I shop for/go out for food, and I think this may control it somewhat.
I also have a history of dieting. My mother started putting me on diets between 8 and 13 years old. I've only started dieting on my own a few times, but I dieted frequently with her until I moved away from home.
Thanks for listening,
Amie
@StarlingBird
Hi Amie,
Thanks for sharing some of your story here--I'm sorry that things have been such a struggle, but I'm glad that you're open to exploring what's going on for you and willing to consider the feedback your friend provided.
I can't diagnose you, but what you've posted does ring off some bells for me in terms of classic symptoms (restricting, binging, eating in secret, history of dieting, association of hunger with health). I think being pressured into dieting from a young age/seeing your mom constantly dieting combined with the society we live in is a bit of a "perfect storm" for an eating disorder to crop up.
I also want to assure you that these urges to overeat are so common, and typically a sign that your body hasn't gotten enough food earlier in the day or that it can't trust that it'll get fed sufficiently or consistently so it wants to capitalize off of any opportunity to eat--this is a built-in survival mechanism that our bodies have to protect us. It's also very normal, when food intake has been restricted for sometime, for an "average" or "appropriate" meal or amount of food to feel like too much or a binge. Luckily our brains are very flexible and with practice these appraisals can be reversed in time.
I'm not sure if it'd be helpful to you, but this is a screening tool from the National Eating Disorder Association that can help give you an idea of whether or not it may be useful to seek some professional help.
It can be really hard to grasp that you have a problem, when you've spent so long normalizing your behaviors and feelings, so I understand this is likely a confusing and even scary time for you. I'm happy to direct you towards any other resources or information you'd like, but didn't want to overwhelm you right off the bat since you're just starting to explore.
Take care and wishing you all the best!
-Shanna
