Struggling.
Hi everyone, my name's Lea.
I do need to talk about some things that I need to get off my chest.
I've been struggling a lot with my body imagine these past couple years. But recently i've noticed that it's gotten worse. (Especially since I started highschool, a few years ago)
I just want to feel happy and take a look at myself in the mirror and feel confident and happy.
I've lost around 30 pounds since summer of 2022 because my head simply does not want to eat, fearing that i will look worse. It doesnt get any better.
Some days it happens that i look at myself and feel confident, but the second i see someone with a perfect body, that confidence just leaves and makes me think i can do so much better.
Usually i only eat dinner because my mom makes me and i would feel bad not eating the food she makes. I dont eat breakfast or lunch and going to school really distracts my head from it.
I used to eat a lot. I would eat when i was bored or sad or angry. My family never stopped me which is the thing I hate the most. It was unhealthy but they never noticed.
But now just looking at food makes me physically sick. I get dizzy quite often and sometimes think im going to pass out.
I think comments about my appearence coming from my family is what has ruined me the most. I'm struggling so much and all i used to hear was "You could lose a few pounds" or jokes about my weight.
But now i hear things like "Did you lose weight?" "You look skinnier" etc. Even tho this change happened only in a couple months, they don't even seem alerted that something must be going on.
I fear to tell my family about how I feel because I know they would laugh at me and think im being dramatic. But really I just wish they could think straight and actually see that I am not okay.
Everytime I try just the slightest bit to say something they will look at me like i'm crazy. They think this is just the "teenager phase" and that i'm not mentally ill.
I need someone to listen to me for once because I am seriously losing it. Just understand what i have to say please, I am hanging on by a thread.
I just want to look perfect in the eyes of others and myself. But it's never enough.
Body image* sorry for the mistake.
Reading this felt like reading an old journal entry from 15 years ago. I understand how you feel and the fear of trying to explain to family what's really going on. Something a friend said me me really opened my eyes to my own eating disorder and body image issues, she said "I can't believe I wasted my youthful years believing I was fat" now when she said it we were all joking and just talking about how our body changes after having kids but little did she know she hit a nerve and made me look back at my self and how I viewed my self. There is no such thing as a perfect body just a healthy and unhealthy one. I understand the pressure of wanting to have a certain body type, i just encourage you to think about your health and happiness beyond the physical.
As for your family i suggest finding one person to open up too. They may surprise you as they may be struggle with all types of things that you may not know of. If that fails its completely alright because you spoke your truth and that's one of the 1st steps to getting better. I truly do understand how you feel and hope all things work out for you.