Tempted to relapse back into old ED behaviours

I sometime still wonder if I did the right thing by entering treatment and trying to recover. I ended up obese and physically less healthy, although I guess at my worst my mental health was terrible when I was restricting so harshly. I guess I wish I could have found it easier to find a balance. I was told if I ate intuitively at some point I'd stop gaining weight, but that just never happened for me. I found myself going back onto a pro ana message board that I haven't been on since 2014. I guess I feel so awful about my weight now. I am trying to just eat healthier and drink less alcohol, but when I don't engage in my old ED behaviors and get obsessive about it, I just don't seem to lose much weight at all. I do believe in body positivity at any size to an extent now, but I don't think that my binge eating is at all healthy or positive. It seems like instead of getting support to get a healthier relationship with food, I ended up just struggling with a different eating disorder. It's frustrating. I'm at the point now where I feel uncomfortable even going out places because of my weight. I guess part of me is wanting to relapse, but to try keep in under control this time. I'm not sure if that's really possible though. I don't seem to be able to go on sensible diets and stick to them, and I wish I could. It's just whats been on my mind the last few days. I guess I know that going back onto pro ana sites would be a regression to my past and I want to be going forward not looking backwards. But the temptation is there. I guess I'm just struggling right now.