Unhealthy relationship with food

Hello, I'm Tisha, I'm 19. I've never been diagnosed with an ED but I've struggled with food since the age of 12. I started purging and restricting at 12 years old, and it was almost an every day occuring thing until I was about 16. There were days where I'd eat and purge 6-10 times a day (I purge everything I ate, even if it's a single bread or an apple) , and on my "good" days I'd only do it about twice a day. I'm not sure why I do it, I think it might've been about self-esteem issues and trying to be and look small. My body developed early and I always felt self conscious about that because people would assume I was older than I was. My height and my weight never matched up so I just grew up feeling very insecure. Now, I still strugle with the thoughts of purging and sometimes I still binge but I feel like I'm fighting it more, I'm not sure how to explain it. However, to this day, I don't really have a healthy relationship with food, I always feel like I eat too much and I've never been able to have 3 meals a day because I feel like it's too much and I just end up hating myself afterwards. The thing is I still don't feel like my issues are valid because I've never really been diagnosed or seen someone for it.

I'm sorry this is such a long post, I just needed it off my chest. There's still so much more but I don't wanna drag it. Thank you for taking the time to read this.