do i have eating disorder?

it all started when my mum pointed out how i was getting fat. i didnt mind much until my brother, mind you he rarely talks to me, also pointed out that i seemed to look thicker than usual like he's making fun of me. i got insecure so i tried crash diets few times and i failed all of them. then ramadan came and as a muslim its a must for me to fast for a month and i was looking forward to lose weight as this was a perfect opportunity.it amazed me at the fact that i didn't exercise at all and i still lost that much weight. after that my weight was constantly at that scale until i started to eat less and lose more weight.

my weight keeps fluctuating too because sometimes i eat normally for few days but when i gain a bit weight, i try to eat less which always leads to eating excessively until im uncomfortably full. ofc i feel guilty and ashamed for not controlling myself so i'll go to the bathroom and purge it out as much as i can. just to be clear, i dont purge all the time. i guess it depends on my mood. also im self aware that its an unhealthy lifestyle but its hard to stop doing this once for all.

so i restarted my fast which is still on going rn. the moment i woke up, i was having thoughts about breaking my fast again but the sore muscles from the workouts i've been doing for the past two days reminded me why im doing this. like usual, i did workout in the morning. while i was excersing, i found myself ridiculous as to why im doing this. i was like i should stop and have breakfast. but i dont want to. so yeah now im gonna fast until the end.

Edited by Asher, 10/16/21