please help

so I haven't gotten diagnosed but I display some symptoms. I do force myself to throw up and have been eating less. I feel so ashamed of my body sometimes have to control myself to not stand up and horrible things to the fat inside my body. I've lost weight actually but ik what I'm doing isn't healthy. sometimes I jut loose control of myself and eat 2k+ cals in a day and feel horrible about it

and it sounds so wrong but my brain makes me think that my worth is based on my weight. I can actually put on the cute clothes I've always wanted now but this is gonna end up hurting me a lot

and im so tired of living like this but I can't stop. like I just can't. it's like I actually want to be sick

I try to eat like a normal person but end up rushing to the bathroom and doing exercise. If I don't stop this it'll get worse. my parents have noticed some symptoms but ik they won't get me therapy. why? idk is it bc of money??? maybe they don't care and think I look better now that I'm doing this to myself. do I need to look worse for them to finally get me help???

sorry for this being long but this has been going on for years. I wish I could enjoy what I eat and eat my favorite meals and cakes without feeling like a pig