Help my sister...
Hello everyone. I come here in honest despair... Before I get to the real question I'm going to give some background.
Me and my sister have a dad that has the worst aproach to weight. When I was 10 I got into a massive depression due to my grandparents passing away and bullying, so I started to binge eating. At 15 I was quite overweight and instead of my dad motivating me losing the weight in a healthy way, he called me fat all the time. I'm talking like 10 to 15 times a day. So I would get more depressed and would eat. But at 20 years old I got very sick and for 3 months I didn't eat. I was finally diagnosed with IBS and nowdays I'm very tiny because of it and because I eat healthy and exercise daily. However I always have the mentality of "I'm fat" because of my dad. I discovered that after this abuse losing weight didn't fully fullfill me and I keep thinking this.
Now the same is happening to my sister. Difference is my sister doesn't eat out of depression, she just loves food. So because of that my mum tries to cook very healthy but she always turns to fast food and ketchup. But recently she told me she wanted to lose weight so I told her to join a sport . She joined swimming lessons and she also has PE in school. She lost quite a bit of weight and was amazing seeing that , she losing in in a healthy way. However the abuse by my dad once again ruined things...
My sister a week ago told me she fainted at school. I thought was very weird and say "have you been anxious ? Have you been eating well?" . I know she doesn't breakfast but since at home she eats the rest of the meals I wasn't sure what to think.
This week the school called my parents saying my sister wasn't eating. She doesn't eat the mid morning meal (in portugal we have an extra meal around 10 / 11 am) or any lunch, even if her friends give it to her. She just refuses. When I found out everything dropped I had a breakdown and couldn't sleep at night. I wanted to scream at my dad to tell him "see what you did?! " but wouldn't solve anything.
My mum tried to make her eat breakfast but she put it to the trash and my mum found out later about it.
Now the worst (yes gets worst) : she's sleepwalking now.
I've met people who start sleepwalking due to massive stress and this last night it happened. I was hearing our closet doors opening and closing for about 15 mins (me and my sister share a room) and I thought "ok who the f is messing with our closet??" and was my sister sleeping!!! Also later at night was actually sobbing while dreaming.
Someone help me, how can I help her? I got destroyed by my dad I want to save my sister if it's still possible.
My dad is going to send her to a nutricionist but that's the last fricking think she needs! She needs professional help and I don't know what to do.
I've been fighting anxiety and panic attacks and fighting breakdowns because I'm terrified of her.
I don't think she's still anorexic but is very close to it and I want some tips here please!!
Hey there @Booklover95!
It sounds like your sister is going through a really rough time. Therapy always helps, but as you said, a nutritionist would probably make things worse for her situation. She may be going through the same thing you did, due to bullying from your Dad. However, stress has been added in here for her. Personally, I don't think school is helping her, as she may be being bullied there as well. Home school or online school may be a better option for her for the time being. Also, you may be affecting her in some way, as your anxiety may be causing her to feel the same, if that makes sense. The best thing that I can recommend is therapy and trying to figure out what she'd like to eat instead of giving her any food. She may have become fairly sensitive to certain foods for some reason and may be trying to eat but cannot do it due to anxiety or fear. She is welcome to talk to someone here on 7 Cups that specializes in eating disorders anytime. We are all here for you and your sister.
Take care!
~Brooklyn
@BrooklynM
In portugal we don't homeschool. Even if we did homeschool or online would be bad for her because she's addicted to the internet. Is her only way to vent to her online friends. Although is good is also very bad since she doesn't face the world.
But I think you're right with the professional help and adressing school. I know my sister was rejected by the first boy she liked last month, maybe that had an impact on her?
I want to talk to her more but is such a delicate situation I'm scared of pushing her away even more...
But I'll try to seek for professional help for her.
Thank you for the response!
@Booklover95
In this situation, don't try to be gentle or beat around the bush with it. This is a very serious situation and being up front with her about it is the best way to bring it up, in my opinion.
@Booklover95
One thing that I think could help, would possibly be talking to your sister about what you went through, about all the negative feelings about your body, that were linked to eating and to your dad's cruel comments. Maybe, if she knows you also went through things similar, she may open up to you about how she's feeling too. And, maybe little things like telling her what you like about her randomly--sort of like, counter-acting your dad's mean comments, by saying nice things to her like "oh that shirt looks so nice on you!". And showing your concern, how you care about her and don't want her to treat herself badly. I guess the main thing would be being a safe person for her to talk to, without judgement, with care and kindness. She may be feeling things that you don't know, and if she opens up to you, it might be easier to understand what's going on. Of course if it's possible seeing a therapist or someone similar would be beneficial, to help work through whatever she is feeling :)
And, it might not be the worst thing to see a nutritionist--I'm sure they will be able to understand the complications surrounding disordered eating (some even specialize in that!) and would either be able to help, or be able to refer her to someone who could. That's my thoughts on it though :)
Best wishes for your sister!! 
@TaranWanderer
Opening up doesn't sound bad, however compliments with her are impossible. She thinks I'm lying to her if I give compliments :(
Well I'll still keep trying my very best. And hopefully you're right about the nutricionist, maybe they'll help her and I really hope they do.
@TaranWanderer @booklover95
Sometimes you want to be careful about the types of compliments you give to someone struggling with eating issues and body image. Compliments about appearance can be distorted even if they are positive. The ED person can use comments as validation that their food restriction and exercise addiction is working and making people notice them. Comments about them for other things such as intelligence or randomness can be good because you want to help them separate their identity from the eating disorder. When you start to develop a eating disorder it's really dangerous because you lose yourself and you become your disorder. It helps to build self esteem and to find your identity from things outside of complusive exercise and disordered eating behaviors. Finding your likes, your passions, your sense of humor, your reasons for chosing life help people rely less on the unhealthy coping behaviors and make recovery choices instead
@summertimeSamness
EVen in terms of inteligence . If I compliment her in how super smart she is she get's very defensive. I'm sure something happened (besides the ED) that made her that way, but I'm not sure what.
She's a very explosive person, she always has been. So even before this happened she is a very unpredictable person and is why I'm so scared not knowing how to help her... I feel that she's a ticking time bomb and anything I'll do will hurt her :(
However I won't forget what you said about physical compliments. No one has ever told me that and really made me think. Thank you for the info and the honesty.
@Booklover95
It's awesome that you care so much for your sister. She is lucky to have your support. Eating disorder behaviors can be a way to numb feelings. It's hard to focus on feelings when you're starving and distracted by food thoughts because your brain's survival mode starts to take over. Alot of people with eating issues have this voice called "eating disordered voice" it's like having a evil best friend in your head that you talk to all the time. This ED voice is the unhealthy version of yourself and part of recovery is learning how to separate unheathly thoughts from healthy ones and it takes a lot of practice. So like when people tell you you're smart, your ED voice tells you in your head they are lying. This is why people with ED isolate themselves and stop participating in social activities. They kinda want to be left alone with their disordered thoughts and behaviors but at the same time we know it's very bad but we can't break the cycle yo stop it. Eating disorders thrive in secrets and isolation but recovery thrives on openness and being held accountable. Building trust so that she accepts the words from friends and family and can ignore the mean eating disorder voice in her head is the super hard part about recovering
@summertimeSamness
sounds like depression but with food involved. I know is not though
What you said makes alot of sense though
Here's some quick compliment ideas that aren't related so much to physical appearance
@summertimeSamness
thank you! I'll save it :)
