Think my bf had an eating disorder. Don't know what to do:(
Hello, everyone
I'm kinda worried about my boyfriend. He's starting to scare me with his obsession of loosing weight. But he is already skinny(5' 6" and [edited by Anomalia to remove weight specifics]lbs). He's decided to stop eating breakfast(he really only had coffe or miso soup to begin with. Sometimes, a green smoothie) and dinner and/or only have a protein shake for dinner. He's lost [edited]lbs in two weeks and he wants to loose more. He says he wants a six pack again but he doesn't want to work out. He said he can only get a six pack again working out 3 hours a day and short intense workouts like T25 dra
He also cut out drinking. He doesn't drink much(only casually drank in weekends. No drinks during the week.) and he's in the process of getting a brewery business with his friends off the ground but has stopped drinking entirely since I left. There are times where he can eat you out of house and home. he will be going on vacation to India in January. I know he will eat loads there. Then, come home and get back on his one meal a day with drink supplements diet.
I tried to talk to him about it and told him I was just worried. He said 'that's fine. I'd rather not talk about it anymore.' I'm away for another 6 weeks and I knows it's gonna bother me and I'll worry that he will be too skinny when I see him again. I don't know what to do or say. I feel like my concern was dismissed and that my feelings and opinion in this matter don't count.
Does this sound like an eating disorder? Or am I over reacting?
@warmheartedHuman2014 Let him know you love him for who he is, weight is just a number.
@Icareforu7 thank you. I do tell him how sexy i find him and how much I love the way he looks now.
@warmheartedHuman2014
I think it's awesome that you care for him and have talked to him about this. Supporting each other is great in relationships.
There's healthy ways and unhealthy ways to get positive body image. Sometimes those kinds of things are symptoms of other problems like depression. If he doesn't want to talk about it, that suggests that he might feel guilty about you noticing it.
When resolving conflict in relationships it comes down to trust, in general. That means respecting each others views and being open to having even difficult talks. When somebody shuts down criticism, that's usually an expression of self-consciousness. And a change in diet patterns, coupled with his attitude, is a clear signal something is going on.
On the other hand we mustn't judge him. Maybe he's the quiet type who doesn't like to talk about problems? Insecurity has many faces. Whatever might be going on, it might be worthwhile to have others talk to him as well, build up a support network. Not to pressure or nag him about it, but showing that you're there for him if he wants your help. In the meantime, think about affirmations. Tell him you think he's cute without a six pack. That way it's not negative, he feels better about himself ... even if "whatever it is" turns out to be benign, there's really no harm done. At the end of the day, it's his choice what he does with his body. Ideally partners are in it because they like each other, not try to control each other. But healthiness is a good thing to promote in general, so yay for that.
Hope this helps :D Remember these are just random observations from a third party based on what you've written. Wish you both all the best :)
@ForceBeWithYou thank you for your reply. I have told him that I just want him to be happy and healthy. But he is the type to not want to talk about certain things that he wants to handle on his own. We have only been dating for a couple of months. So, I don't k ow his friends and family that well, but I don't think he would respond well to them knowing what I've notice. That may make it worse :/ it's also hard because I am still away for work for another 6 weeks. I don't want to control him, but you are right. His behaviour and sudden weight loss is a sign of something. We've known each other for a year and I notice him making comments about wanting a six pack. But this is the first big sign I've seen. Probably because we are more intimate now...
@warmheartedHuman2014, hey there:) i am not an expert to advice but yes those are signs of an eating disorder based on my studies. maybe talking to a prefessional may help him. what he's doing is not health and will affect him later on in live i think.
@Helping2findAway Thank you for your reply. That's what I was afraid of. I'm not sure how to get him to talk to a professional since he has already told me that he doesn't want to talk about it anymore...I tried to give him some tips on how to healthily get a six pack since he was already quite slim, but he changed the subject. It is also a bit hard since I am still away at work.... :(
@warmheartedHuman2014. sounds like it's really challenging trying to help him when he's refusing it. ummm continue supporting him and encouraging him :) hang in there remb some things are behind our control . :(
@Helping2findAway thank you. yes. it is hard and he isn't willing to talk to me about it. He said he would have a look at 7cups, but I'm not sure if he did. I don't think he's even ready for that.
@warmheartedHuman2014, im sorry to hear that, sounds like its taking a toll on you :(
Well, he seemed receptive when I mentioned him checking out 7cups. I didn't specify why I was suggesting it to him. I was just talking about how much I love the community and having a place to talk to people when I need it. How good it is for everyone's overall emotional health to have someone to talk to. He's at work now. So, he told me to remind him when he gets home.
@warmheartedHuman2014. That's wonderful :D
@Helping2findAway yes. is a good sign. he's a good man. The last two guys I dated wouldn't have said they would look and my ex-boyfriend would have laughed at me for doing it. I will definitely remind him when he gets home. :)
@warmheartedHuman2014... awww thats very nice.. :) wish you the best of luck..!!!! :D
@warmheartedHuman2014
Although I cant tell you if this sounds like an eating disorder or not, I can tell you that his habits are not healthy, and his weight is normal for his height. He does not have to work out 3 hours a day to get abs nor does he have to cut his eating to one meal a day. The only thing you can do is continue to support healthy habits and bring materials to his attention that highlight his unhealthy habits. Try not to worry as that wont help much other than stress you out. This is not a time critical situation so it doesnt need to be solved today. You both have time to work with each other and get some help if needed. Does he have a history of excessive weight loss of preoccupation with his body imagine? Those might be clues to past behaviors that might be a red flag.
@ali1112 yes. You are right. This isn't a time sensitive issue. I am trying to be an example of healthy habits with moderation of fun( I've started cross fit and yoga(again) but I haven't gone cold turkey on the things I love). From what I know of his past, he was never obese. But he is always talking about bein afraid he will become so one day because some men in his family are. But it's already affecting his health. He has gone back and forth between flu like cold symptoms since I left and once he had a stomach virus. He said he thought it was bad food from a work luncheon. But in retrospect, i think it may have been because he hadn't been eating properly and the food was too rich for his new eating habits :( I'm trying not to worry, but I'm also concerned about my emotional health and how I will deal with this. And then that makes me feel like a bad person for thinking about myself :(
I am trying to be an example of healthy habits with moderation of fun( I've started cross fit and yoga(again) but I haven't gone cold turkey on the things I love). But it's already affecting his health. He has gone back and forth between flu like cold symptoms since I left and once he had a stomach virus. He said he thought it was bad food from a work luncheon. But in retrospect, i think it may have been because he hadn't been eating properly and the food was too rich for his new eating habits :( I'm trying not to worry, but I'm also concerned about my emotional health and how I will deal with this. And then that makes me feel like a bad person for thinking about myself :(