Help.
I don't know who else to turn to. Recently in the past few months I had a mental breakdown. I became severely depressed and is hiding it well. I am finding myself at the grocery store buying amounts of food then going home to eat it. Once I'm done I feel guilty as I'm trying to lose weight as I have gained weight. I fear gaining weight. My A1c went up and it made a person upset with me. I find myself throwing up after a snack that's "too many calories" I hear people at my house tell their stories of happy weight loss how it was so easy when I have been trying for months. I have diabetes and Gastroparesis. What do I do?
@EmmieTurtle
Hi Emmie, fellow Turtle 🤗
We have a very thick shell, in which we hide, but inside we're too soft for our own good...
I am sorry to hear what you're going through. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Any loved one, or therapist, you can refer to?
My therapist once told me that "eating disorders are a hidden depression", and it looks you're showing both... Can you get any professional help?
If not, the next time something brings you down please come here and write me. I would love to try and help you let it all out, and hopefully relieve a little bit of the weight on your shoulders.
Sending love!
I have a therapist but she says it's not an eating disorder Id I'm not losing weight.
@EmmieTurtle
I am so sorry!!!
This is absolutely NOT true.
Eating disorders can affect male and female, thin and fat people, can be visible and invisible. Can be typical and atypical.
How you look like doesn't define you and doesn't show if (and how much) you're suffering.
Please do not listen to anybody (even a therapist) if they tell you you're not suffering, if you actually are!
I'm trying so hard to not think about.it but I'm so afraid of gaining weight...I was 280 lbs lost it healthy and gained back to 257. Since then I've been obsessing about it.
The fact that you are obsessing about it, and that it’s not allowing you to live your life at best, is an indication that you need help and not to be told you don’t have an eating disorder. Therapists should know better… But we’re all human, and we’re all difficult, so let’s try and be kind with your therapist too.
You say you lost the weight in a heathy way before. Then what happened?
My diet was controlled. The person I lived with (adult foster care) weighed me once a month. I ate healthy. I worked out. Then when I moved. I was given back the control eating my feelings when I wanted. And it's really hard to stop.
@EmmieTurtle
Hi Emmie,
I see that my friend @Turtleonmyleftarm has already reached out to you. Did I miss the memo with the Turtle references?
I'm sorry to hear about your medical challenges, and of course your relationship with food. I am a binge/purge eater as well but have found a lot of strength from this community. Simply sharing our goals, our weaknesses, and our little victories.
For me my ED developed when I began working out and trying to achieve a better physical body. While I developed a great exercise regime, my nutrition did not quite follow. I eat rather healthy throughout the day but feel immense shame/guilt over the slightest deviation. Truth is I really "don't" want to eat the junk food, but my brain is essentially addicted to the sugar rush and dopamine hit it takes.
I have been working on ways to get the same pleasure boost from other activities. Going for a walk helped a lot, right when I would feel like binge eating just putting on my shoes and getting outside if I could. Recently I started little "exercise snacks" in the afternoon that help too. I'm not sure if exercise is your thing, but perhaps try and find other hobbies to distract you and give you a boost of happiness that are not food.
I can really relate to the hiding/going to the store/buying. Just know that you are not alone and that the smallest goals/success can make big changes in your mental health.
Hoping you find some strength today. Start one day at a time. You are amazing!
